Coworker' Implies 'Cooperation
by SneezingKneazle
Summary: Forced to work in Hermione's department until the ministry clears his staff, Draco catches the break he's been looking for. An exercise in dialogue. Elevator fic. One-shot.


_**Disclaimer: I do not own JK Rowling or her characters. I do, however, solemnly swear that I am up to no good.**_

* * *

_**Ding!**_

"_We're sorry, but the elevators are experiencing technical difficulties. Please hold."_

"Damn."

"I'm sure they'll fix it soon…oh. It's you."

"Nice to see you too, Granger."

"Sentiment not returned."

"You know, there's really no reason to be rude. We're all civilized people here, and…"

"Oh, _yes_! So _very_ civilized."

"AND. While we might not be the best of friends, it really would be the best for both of us if we chose to put our past behind us."

"Is that what last week was about? Putting it _behind_ us?"

"I realize that you might have taken that the wrong way…"

"**You turned my office into a swimming pool!**"

"But I was only trying to include you…"

"**I don't want to be included in some Slytherin frat party! In **_**my office**_**!**"

"And make you feel more at home with your colleagues…"

"I'm the one who's actually colleagues with any of them! You're just mooching off of my staff until they screen your employees!"

"After, all you are the one who keeps giving lectures on peace in the workplace. Honestly, I did expect you to be a bit more friendly with your staff."

"It's an office, not a singles cruise!"

"But even you could be a bit more interactive with your employees. They deserve a bit more support, if you ask me."

"I didn't. It's not like you could possibly have good advice, anyway. What with the recent escapades."

"It's not like I _meant_ for someone to try and kill me. These things just sort of happen."

"Oh, yes. It _just sort of happens_ that Draco Malfoy has been getting death threats from his secretary for a year and a half, and then that said secretary decides to actually follow through. It _just sort of happens_ that Draco Malfoy does not see this coming, even though he has been warned two weeks before the attack. It _just sort of happens_ that Draco Malfoy is then attacked and nearly killed because there was _no way_ he could have known about this happening."

"I didn't think she would actually do it."

"Oh, yeah. Those letters totally weren't a clue-in."

"I get death threats all the time. After a while, you sort of get numb to them."

"Really?"

"Don't pretend to be oblivious, Granger. You send them too."

"I DO NOT!"

"January 25: 'Why are you staring at me again, ferret? Go curl up in a hole somewhere.'"

"Well, alright, but it's not like you didn't…"

"February 14: 'Dearest ferret, stop winking at me every time we are in board meetings. I don't know what your problem is and I don't care. Would you just drop dead, already? Also, Happy Valentines'.'"

"How did you know that…"

"And just recently, May 3: '**Draco Malfoy if you do not get that stupid bimbo you call a secretary to put on a decent shirt tomorrow, I will personally disembowel you both and then she will miss her daily gossip columns and you will miss your daily shag. Don't think that I don't know what happens with you two when I go out to lunch!**' I particularly liked that one."

"Alright, so I send you an angry note from time to time. Sue me."

"Na, that would cost too much."

"You know what else would cost too much? Hiring an elevator operator that _actually did_ their job!"

"Hey, no one can be perfect, Granger. Except for me, of course."

"Yeah…"

"It's probably just some poor secretary who can't find the right manual."

"With your track record, it was probably you who hired her."

"Hey! I resent that statement! I am excellent at picking my staff!"

"They just happen to be murdering bimbos."

"I have only ever hired one employee of questionable character, thank you…"

"Oh, sure."

"And it is impossible to be _both_ a murderer and a bimbo. You have to have some sort of intellect in order to kill someone."

"You would know all about that, wouldn't you, Malfoy?"

"Give it a rest, Hermione."

"Sorry."

"It's fine."

"It's most definitely not fine! You've got that wrinkle in your forehead again."

"I do not! Malfoys don't wrinkle."

"Oh, yes they do! And now you're pouting too…"

"I am not!"

"You are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"…"

"Look, Malfoy, I'm sorry, really. No need to be a big baby about the whole thing."

"…"

"Would you stop that? I said I was sorry, ok? What is it going to take?"

"Well…"

"NO. Stop looking at me like that Malfoy!"

"Fine. If you insist. But we are in an elevator. By ourselves. For an extended period of time…"

"Malfoy!"

"You never let me have any fun!"

"Isn't that what that secretary of yours is for?"

"Her name is Janice, if you were wondering."

"I wasn't."

"Is that why you've been all uptight lately?"

"According to you, I'm always uptight."

"I'm not seeing Janice, Granger."

"Don't feel like taking her out, hmm? Not worth your precious time? Just an office fling?"

"Oh, come on now. That's not fair."

"Lots of things aren't fair, Malfoy. You have to learn to get over it."

"Is that what you did with the Weasel, then? Got over it?"

"Don't think you know me, Malfoy."

"I think I know you better than most people, Granger. Unless you've been holding out on me."

"Shut up."

"Not very creative, Hermione. Is that the best you can do?"

"It's the best I care to give you."

"Oh, come on, Granger, give it a rest. I state the truth and you go off in a huff. It's practically routine now."

"What you are saying isn't truth."

"No, no. It is truth. It's just the sort you don't like to hear."

"And what exactly don't I want to hear?"

"That it has been nine months since the redheaded wombat went and dumped you for some new cheap plaything. That it has been seven months since our…incident and that you have refused to talk to me cordially since. Stop glaring at me, you know it's true!"

"I'm not glaring!"

"Right. Sure. Of course you aren't."

"Fine. I'm being cordial now aren't I?"

"Barely."

"I am sincerely sorry for any hostility, then. But it's not like you can exactly blame me."

"And why not?"

"Malfoy! You've spent the last six months parading blonde Barbie dolls past my office. Every time I turn around there's some new giggling ornament on your arm. And you expect me to act polite?"

"I didn't know you cared."

"Oh, sure you didn't."

"Alright, maybe I might have been trying to get a rise out of you…"

"_Malfoy_!"

"But how else was I supposed to get you to talk to me? You've been cold shouldering me every time I try to talk, never mind approach the subject!"

"You could have just come and talked to me until I listened."

"I _tried_! I gave you a week, and when you didn't owl me, I came to your office. And you just told me that you were busy and you needed more time to think and you would get back to me."

"Well, yes but…"

"I waited, Granger! When exactly were you planning on getting back to me, huh?"

"Well…I was confused, alright? I'd just gone through a rather difficult breakup with the boy I thought I was destined to marry. I'd been in love with him since I was eleven! It's not like you can let that one go easily!"

"Oh, yes. Remind me once again why I'll never match up to darling old weasel-by! As if I haven't heard all this before!"

"Would you just listen to me for a minute? I was still heartbroken, yes. But that wasn't why I was confused!"

"Enlighten me, Granger. Why was the smartest witch of our age unsure of what to do?"

"Because I was supposed to be in love with him! I was supposed to have married him, have his children, grow old with him! I wasn't supposed to be anything but his girlfriend! I wasn't supposed to be in love with anyone but him!"

"…"

"So when you came along I got all confused. When he broke up with me I was supposed to be a wreck, and I was for a bit…but then I wasn't. And then…you know, _we_ happened…and I wasn't a wreck at all. So far from it, it scared me. I mean, you're _Draco Malfoy_! You're a bigoted, stuck-up prat who I spent all of my childhood years loathing and being loathed by! And I am aware that you are no longer like you once were, but that doesn't exactly change the past. Being your friend is enough of a shock, but anything else…anything more…I just couldn't comprehend it."

"What exactly are you saying here, Granger?"

"I'm saying that I didn't know what to do. And then you started parading those girls by…"

"Merlin, Hermione! If I had known…"

"Well, we can't change the past."

"But that's the thing of it, I wasn't _doing_ anything with those girls. I was just giving the trainees from floor B tours of the office. And I knew it made you irritated, so I brought all the pretty ones by."

"Why were they always blonde then?"

"Granger! I don't date blondes!"

"…what?"

"My father always hated me for it, but I vastly prefer brunettes."

"Oh, _really_?"

"It's true."

"And all those long-legged gazelles walking by?"

"Never liked the gangly type. I find it's the short ones that are the feistiest."

"I could kick you in the shins for that one."

"You won't."

"So you weren't shagging all those women? Not even Janice?"

"I'm not really into that lifestyle anymore. Maybe I've grown up."

"I doubt it."

"It's true! I'm getting older, Granger. It's about time I think about settling down."

"Draco Malfoy, I know you. You're never going to settle down."

"Well, maybe I'll settle up then. In any case, the mansion's far too big for just me, even if it isn't a third the size of our old manor."

"How will you spare the degradation?"

"I'll just have to find someone who hasn't lived somewhere quite so large before; that way she won't be disappointed."

"Isn't that settling? Wouldn't you prefer someone more refined that you can take to all those social galas and such?"

"Parties are boring. If I had a wife like that, she might actually make me go!"

"Point taken. But really, Malfoy. I wouldn't want you to settle for someone second-rate."

"Well, I'll let you in on a secret, Miss Granger. I think I've found her. And she's most certainly not second-rate."

"…really? And…and what are you going to do about it then?"

"I'm going to ask her out to dinner."

"…Good luck then, Malfoy."

"Thanks. I might need it."

**_Ding!_**

"_We apologize for the delay. Thank you for your patience, and enjoy your evening_."

"Granger! Wait!"

"What is it Malfoy?"

"I was wondering if you'd like to go to dinner."

"What about Miss Commitment-Girl?"

"I'm hoping that I'm looking at her."

"_Really_?"

"Really."

"In that case, I have one more question for you."

"Shoot."

"You don't mind brunettes, and you like your women short. But how do you feel about curls?"

"Generally, I think a good bottle of Straight-and-Sleek would cure the lot of them."

"**Malfoy**!"

"But on you, I wouldn't have them any other way."

"Oh, Draco."

"So do we go to dinner now?"

"On one condition."

"Whatever it takes."

"Next time, _I_ throw the office party."


End file.
